This Autumn Brings Peace (I hope)

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I’ll admit, it hasn’t been the most graceful year for me. I think most of us are still rebounding from 2020/2021 and when we are in constant crisis mode our brains and bodies don’t get a break. We don’t have a chance to rest and this creates a bit of an issue. All of our cups are empty and haven’t had much opportunity to refill them. I don’t know what you’ve observed in your daily routines but I’ve recognized quite a change in people and society in general. I know it’s affected me greatly. I have experienced more anxiety and stress burden the last two years than I ever have probably all my years put together. I have no desire to leave the house, getting up and forcing myself out the door for work is a chore. I have no desire to put effort into relationships or effort into anything really, I feel like there’s not enough time in the day and yet I accomplish little to nothing. It’s a horribly boggy feeling, like I am in a revolving door and can’t find my way out. I’m writing because it helps… but also out of the billions of other humans on this planet I know there are others who are feeling the same way.

Spring is usually a time of renewal. The start of something new. A time that I like to let go of feelings I may be harboring and start fresh with a new outlook on life, looking forward to what summer has to offer. With Autumn now here I look back and ask – what the heck did summer offer this year? Ha. I mean I did a few things here and there but did I really enjoy it? No. Not in how I usually do. Days and nights went by. I don’t remember many details. I don’t remember relishing and enjoying the small moments as I usually do. Probably because of the ball and chain constantly dragging behind me. Feeling like having nothing more to give because of the constant survival mode I feel like I’m in. When does it end? When this pandemic ends? Not likely. This will forever be life-changing. I know it’s up to me with what I decide to do with it. How I decided to live my life from here on out. I have some questions for myself, that’s for sure. When did I become so indolent? Why don’t I have more energy? Where has my desire to work hard and play harder disappeared to? And most important, what am I going to do about it? Because frankly, these traits do not describe me [at least who I used to be] and it scares the heck out of me.

While I don’t have many answers right now, I’m left to sit here and ponder the future… but I am hoping that with the changing of the leaves, autumn will bring a bit of closure to the season and as those leaves fall, all of the negative feelings and misgivings of the future fall with them. I wish for them to be buried under a deep blanket of snow and sink down into the frozen ground where they will forever stay. For this reason I am looking forward to winter’s arrival. I’m ready to feel the sting of the cold on my face and the pang in my lungs as I take deep breaths. Allow the frigid air to cleanse the darkness from my mind, body, & soul.

But for now I will do by best to live in the moment and enjoy what autumn can offer… colors, crips mornings, cozy knits, warm cider, pumpkins, campfires, nostalgic movies, blankets, gorgeous scenery. Tonight I hopped in the car and drove around taking in all the beauty of autumn that surrounds us. I snapped a few photos and I’d like to share them with you. Here’s to peace, hope, comfort, and letting go this season.